The Big Over Easy: A Nursery Crime by Jasper Fforde

Author:Jasper Fforde
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Fiction, General, Mystery & Detective
ISBN: 9781101158302
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 2006-07-25T07:00:00+00:00

MAN RECOGNIZES SUSPECT IN RECONSTRUCTION

Mr. James Tuffnel was in custody yesterday, having been recognized when he appeared in a reconstruction during Network Toad’s popular PerpCatch UK

program. He was spotted by eagle-eyed, public-spirited father of three Desmond Miller. “There was no doubt in my mind,” said Mr. Miller at his home in Morecambe Bay today, “but the man in the armed-robbery reconstruction was definitely an actor that I had seen once before in a custard commercial.” Out-of-work actor Mr. Tuffnel remained unrepentant and told us, “Okay, I admit that I did it. I’m not proud of myself, but I need the money. I haven’t worked for eight weeks. Do you want to hear me do the ‘What is a man?’ speech?”

—From the Morecambe Trumpet, July 2, 2003

Briggs beckoned Jack into his office and had him wait while he spoke on the phone to the workman redecorating his house. After an inordinately long ten minutes discussing the choice of wallpaper for the front room, he hung up and stared at Jack.

“You’ve got a confession note?” he asked.

Jack slid it across the table. It was in a clear plastic cover, and Briggs put on his glasses.

“Verified by the handwriting people?”

“Yes, sir. It’s definitely Mrs. Dumpty’s.”

“Well,” said Briggs removing his spectacles, “I think that’s fairly straightforward, don’t you?”

“But for the smaller-than-expected caliber pistol and the four missing cartridges, and—”

“And what?”

“I just don’t think she killed him. We interviewed her at ten-thirty the morning of her ex-husband’s death. Less than ten hours. She loved him, sir, even after the split—most people dump their ex’s stuff as soon as the papers come through, but everything that was his was still in her house. I’m not convinced that a crime of passion would leave her so calm. ”

Briggs held up the suicide note. “And this? What do you make of this? I quote: ‘…I prayed for God to forgive me as I pulled the trigger.’ She had the motive, opportunity—but, best of all, she wrote a confession. This one’s over, Jack.”

“She didn’t kill him, sir.”

“Listen,” said Briggs, “I know the NCD means a lot to you, but we can’t justify the expense. We’ve got to make some hard choices, and I’m sure the budgetary meeting can make a generous settlement for early retirement. You’ve done good work, Jack, but it’s a question of priorities.”

“I thought it was just the department getting canned?” said Jack, rising to his feet.

“You are the department,” replied Briggs, also rising. “Where else were you going to work? CID? Don’t make me insult you by offering you traffic or something. The Humpty case is closed.”

“The budgetary meeting is on Thursday, yes?”

“Yes,” said Briggs sharply, wondering what he was up to, “why?”

“Just let me carry on until then to prove she didn’t do it and if I can’t, I’ll call it a day and the coroner can have a murder/suicide.”

“No.”

“Twenty-four hours, then.”

“Sorry.”

“Until tomorrow morning?”

“No!”

“Twenty years,” said Jack, “twenty years I’ve run the NCD, and while I admit I have made a few slip-ups and killed a giant or two—”

“Four.

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